Life as a Mum and Student; the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

So it's been a busy few days being a mum and student for me. On Tuesday I was working all day and then had to rush home to get Cerys organised for a Dance Competition she was taking part in which was for all the school's in the district. I had 20 minutes to get in the house, do funky hair and makeup on Cerys and try and shovel some dinner down. Mark was unfortunately away for an overnight stay for work so wasn't there to help. I never even had time to change out my work outfit or even have a wash (how lovely). Mark's dad helped out with lifts which was a lifesaver as I'd have never got to the competition myself without a car! 

The competition itself was great and I was really proud of Cerys and her school friends. They came 2nd in the competition which was an amazing achievement and Cerys was so happy to get her medal.

Isla-Rose's gran watched her this night as we weren't going to get home until 10pm, so that was waaayyy past her bed time. Once I had settled Cerys in bed at 10.30pm that night, I then had to begin studying for a university presentation which I had the next morning. That really was a struggle, trying to apply my brain after a 9hour shift at work and a further 3 hour dance competition! When I was running over my presentation I was talking a load of gobbledygook and just couldn't concentrate. I eventually stopped working on it at 1am and went to bed to try and get some sleep for the next day.

Yesterday morning I had my presentation, I was so nervous and my stomach was flipping so much that I genuinely thought I was going to vomit! I absolutely hate presentations as I hate that "all eyes on you" feeling. I get so self conscious and start to stumble my words. My favourite words are definitely "eh" and "em" when I'm presenting. Bleugh, I just hate it! I got through it though which was good, although I was only allocated 15minutes to talk and I think I talked for 25minutes! Haha. 

After my presentation I had to head to work. I really couldn't concentrate the full day though as my head was mush from the presentation and I hadn't slept much the night before. I had to work on an extra hour and felt so guilty as by this point I hadn't seen Isla-Rose for over 24hours. Her granny must have been shattered having her for all that time. She has also been ill again the past few days with heavy cold symptoms, so she's certainly not been in the best of moods the past few days. I had to collect Isla-Rose then pick Cerys up from dance class so I eventually got in at 7pm and I was then tasked with decorating an Easter Bonnet for an Easter Parade Cerys had the next day in school!! OH MY! That was just the end of me. 

In amongst trying to decorate the Easter bonnet, Isla-Rose proceeded to keep climbing on to our coffee table and have a wee dance (check out the vid). Where did I get this girl? Haha!

We've got a climber! from Emma Knox on Vimeo.

It took over 3 hours to complete and I eventually finished it at 10.45pm, once Cerys was in bed I might add! 

I still had uni work to then try and do but there was no way that was getting completed! My head was bursting and I just wanted my bed. The kids always come first, but it really is hard to try and get any of my own work completed in amongst all these things.

I did get some good news today that I got 82% for my presentation, which was a great wee boost to hear this. There's still loads to do though and only 5 weeks left! So much to do, so little time!

Emma xxxx

So, I've not been blogging for the past couple of days as my schedule had been so busy and I really feel like I've been meeting myself coming back!

We had some great news two nights ago though, my best friend Paula gave birth to this wee handsome man. Meet my GODSON Austin!! Yes I'm saying Godson as I am so honoured to have been asked to be this wee ones Godmother, how lucky am I?!?!  Paula asked me the night he was born and of course I accepted! I am absolutely delighted and over the moon about this! Tuesday had been another one of those days where I felt really stressed, anxious and annoyed and I was getting really emotional over things. So when this happened it was like a little ray of sunshine peeking through. Needless to say the waterworks started with me again, only this time it was happy tears! I've turned into such a blubbering wreck since I've had Isla-Rose, I really need to calm down!

Anyway, aside from this great news, I've been running around like a headless chicken trying to get loads of different things organised. Cerys has to dress up in school tomorrow for World Book Day (yes I'm aware it's a week late, but that's a story for a different day!) So between Tuesday and Wednesday I've been trying to organise something for her to wear, which really is a job in itself!

I wish I was one of those mums who can whip something out the wardrobe, stick it under a sewing machine and create a masterpiece, but no, unfortunately the bank card has to come out and shopping on Amazon we go, desperately trying to find something that has next day delivery, because in typical Emma fashion I've left it to the last minute AGAIN! Anyway, due to the wonders of the Internet it has arrived today, yaayy, so Cerys will get to go as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz rather than attempting some creation with a black bin bag lol!

Today I've had to sit and try and make red ruby slippers for Cerys' costume. The actual sparkly red numbers were way too expensive, so I bought a pair of flat red pumps for £7 from New Look and bought red glitter and prit-stick and attempted makeshift shoes. I'd say my attempt was not too bad, and cost less than £10, woohoo!

So in between all this I've been working and trying to study. Next week could play a pivotal part in my life as I have an interview on Tuesday which is a full day assessment for a Graduate position. The closer it gets the more my belly aches and I have so much material to study. The following day I also have a presentation on my Honours project so far, which is a 15 minute talk on my progress. This scares the hell out of me as I'm not one for presenting. I'm also worried as I haven't received all my feedback from my primary research yet so I may not have anything to even present on.

I have Cerys' parents evening tonight at school AND it's the last appointment in the whole night, so this is another night we are out the house and my studying is disrupted. It's always the same when I have so much to do! 

If only I was a FAIRY Godmother, I'd wave my wand and have it done in a jiffy!

Emma xxxx

Mark filmed this wee terror 3 nights ago climbing up on the sofa, on to the window ledge and opening the window! I had been out collecting Cerys from dancing and when he showed me the video on our return. my heart was in my mouth! 

Now, it's not that Isla-Rose was in any danger this time as Mark was there the whole time, however it could have been much worse. There is roughly an 8ft drop from that window on to our decking in the garden so she would have certainly seriously hurt herself!

Today, Isla- Rose fell asleep on the couch and while she was sleeping I went through to fold some washing and tidy up before getting my study material out. The next minute I heard "Dada, Dada, Dada" and realised Isla-Rose had woken up. 

When I got to the living-room, imagine my shock when I found her standing on that infamous window ledge!!! Now her new party trick obviously! I honestly got such a fright, and was so thankful that she had shouted. Any longer she could have fell from there and hit the table or floor. Luckily this time we had locked the windows, but the thought of the possibilities of something happening is horrible!

It's this stage of childhood which I feel is the most tiresome and hard to concentrate. I was going to say worrying aswell but I reckon the majority of that comes in the teenage years! Isla-Rose hasn't even hit the "terrible twos" stage yet and shes already into everything and causing havoc! 

You really do need eyes on the back of your head

Emma xxx

So yeah, apparently a messy baby is a happy baby, but it certainly doesn't make a happy mummy!

This was the mess that my little monster left for me today! She decided to ransack her big sister's cupboard while I was downstairs doing some university work. I honestly could have cried when I saw it!

This kind of thing is a regular occurrence in this household, however that certainly doesn't make it any easier. I had been trying to spend a wee half hour trying to study but this was totally scuppered when I saw this! Her big sis had supposed to be looking after her but she ended up with the music on dancing. Stress, stress, stress!

I also bought this little lady's christening dress today. It's so beautiful and can't wait to see her in it on her big day but that shopping trip wasn't without drama either. I realised when I turned up at the shopping centre that I had forgot her pram so had to carry and occasionally walk with an 18month year old, which, for any of you mum's out there, you will know is a hell on earth experience! Between pulling clothes off the rails and running into every second person, it certainly was eventful. To top it off I had also forgotten the pram bag, so yeah I had no nappies, no wipes, no nothing! By the end of the trip she had a nappy that had swollen to the size of a beach ball and looked like it was about to burst. Needless to say the shopping trip was cut short and homeward bound for us it was! I really don't know where my head was at today!!

This is what it can look like when your trying to write your dissertation.  I have paperwork coming out my ears and really don't know where to start.  I really do feel like I am drowning in information! I have research articles, notes, books and folders lying everywhere and it's hard trying to keep them in any order. This picture is from my bed today, a sea of paperwork!

Being overwhelmed is generally the feeling that comes to mind when I think of this final year. It has been a huge step up from third year and it isn't that I'm not capable of doing the work, as I know I am and my grades in the past are proof of this. However, at times I just can't seem to sort the thoughts in my head into a logical order so that I can actually get my work done. Is it still OK to use baby brain as an excuse for this?!! Cerys is 9 and I still say I have never lost it from then, lol. My thoughts can be constantly interrupted when I am trying to work in the house though, either by the kids or by Mark. I know they don't mean it but it's hard for them to understand that I'm trying to get away from my mummy duties when I'm working from home.

I'm lucky enough to have a Friday off at the moment but at times I don't feel like it helps me to get much work done as I don't feel like I can switch off from my mum and household duties. 

I seen this photo on Facebook yesterday and it made me laugh, this really is the story of my life right now. I take a break from my work to do the dishes or a bit of hoovering and it can feel like a real achievement but then I turn round and a mountain of mess is awaiting me.

I take my hat off to people who can work from home and can concentrate the full day without being distracted by normal household tasks. I find it sooo hard to switch off and because I often have Isla-Rose to look after I literally can't switch off as she needs my attention.I find the sayings that I normally have on repeat are "No, put that down" or "leave it alone" or worse I end up being distracted and singing along to the Peppa Pig or Mickey House Clubhouse theme tune, lol!

Today is definitely one of those ugly days! You know the days you just feel bleughhh and everything goes wrong? Well that's been today! 

I officially hate Monday's; my Monday module is horrible and I'm wishing now I'd never selected to do it. I really feel like I'm drowning in information, none of it feels of any relevance to me or what I want to do in my career. 

We were given details of an assessment that is going to happen in 3 weeks time and it just made my my stomach flip. I get really anxious at times and when I get given information about exams or assessments it just makes me feel awful. On top of this I'm beginning to feel like I'm falling behind on my dissertation, my primary research is practically nil and void and I'm supposed to be presenting on it in 3 weeks time. I really do feel so overwhelmed now it's horrible.

To make matters worse today, I finished uni and went to meet Mark and the kids as they are all on holiday today (Mark is a teacher). When I got into the car you could literally cut the tension with a knife. It turned out Cerys and Mark had been arguing due to this new "attitude" she has suddenly developed, you know the one where every look is like you've just spoken to her in Russian?! Me being mum tried to resolve the situation but as usual it just made matters worse which resulted in another massive argument between all of us! It's typical family life I suppose but just not what I needed when I was feeling the way I did this morning. 

We had to go to IKEA for a few bits and bobs and Isla-Rose preceded to scream her head off and demand to get out of the trolley for the full time we were there. On the one occasion I did allow her out the trolley she decided to try and pull a lamp over and was almost knocked down by at least 10 trolleys! I started getting those looks from people (you know the look you get from people who don't have children or forget what its like to have a baby) so I had to put her kicking and screaming back into the trolley. Needless to say I had the sweats and a pounding headache after this trip!


Isla-Rose has decided to carry her temper tantrum on throughout the day, hence the picture. This can be so draining at times and makes me want to either burst into tears or bang my head against a wall. It's these kind of things which can make being a student even harder as I am finding it so hard to concentrate on my work with all this going on. Before, I would have normally went out a run or exercised to try and relax myself but now I just simply don't have time (another reason why I am feeling so bleughhh these days)!

Me and my friends joke at times that we wish we had our own private island to jet off to for the time we are at uni for some peace and quiet and no distractions. Today is definitely one of those days that I wish this was the case! 

Emma xxxx

So the above picture is a regular occurrence in my life right now! It's Saturday night, Valentine's weekend and I'm stuck on the couch working on coursework. It's not all bad, I do have this little cherub to keep me occupied but she won't settle for a snooze anywhere but my knee so I have to arrange my laptop and paperwork around her. This is my regular study area, trying to keep baby happy while doing my work.


Daddy and grandpa are watching the rugby and big sis is away for a sleepover so it's just me and this wee one. I've got to say it's nice to have peace and quiet to get on with work, but the minute this wee terror wakes up it's "house wrecking time", the books get pulled from the bookcase, the toys get thrown around and mum's paperwork gets crumpled and torn. This is the life of a student mum I suppose!

I find Saturday's particularly hard to study and it's definitely the time I feel I procrastinate the most, Facebook noseying being a favourite past time of mine :). I find it hard at times to get the motivation at the weekends, especially when I see everyone's pictures out having a good time with family and friends. I keep telling myself it's not long though, 10 weeks and uni will be over! I can't believe how fast 4 years have flown by. That thought still doesn't make it any easier though when you're trying to read 3 of the most boring academic papers for Monday's lecture. Oh the joys!
Emma xxxx