Life as a Mum and Student; the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

So tonight I started to finally try and promote my blog which felt really scary and embarrassing! All of a sudden I realised that people I know are going to start reading this and I'm beginning to wish I had blogged about something a little less personal! I start thinking that I'll probably get laughed at and panic that people will think I'm really cringey for doing this. I find I often think like this at different times, seeing the more negative side rather than just embracing the situation.

In lectures I can be scared to shout out an answer incase I'm wrong and feel stupid so I'd prefer not to say anything, even when a lot of the time I knew the correct answer right enough! I'm OK in a smaller setting but when it comes to a large group I can get so embarrassed at times!

I have two interviews coming up over the next three weeks for big companies and rather than embracing that I've even got this far, I talk myself out of it and think the worst "what if they don't like me? "what if I say something really stupid? " I bet I'll embarrass myself in some way". Why don't I think "Emma you'll be great, you've come this far"? It can be really draining sometimes being so hard on myself! I know that I can do things and have accomplished a lot while being at uni the past 4 years but there's still a nagging thing in the back of my mind holding me back!

 I really need to start embracing that I've come this far and that actually, yeah I'm doing alright! I've  managed to get this far in life so far, doing alright. My grades are good, I'm getting interviews and I have a happy, healthy family, so why not be confident?

Sometimes I think it can be so hard to be confident because there are always people there waiting for you to fall, but on the other hand, I look at the people who are waiting to will you on and want you to do good. Just tonight I posted my blog on Facebook for the first time and although I was embarrassed, the positive feedback I've got from people wishing me well, even those that I don't know, has been amazing! I think we definitely need to promote that positivity more and make people more confident in the decisions they take, whether it's in something as big as an interview or someone who's willing to bare all on Social Media! We need to be good role models for all our children.

Id like to thank everyone who's wished me well tonight, you've given me an extra boost of confidence which I didn't think I had! I really need to start believing in myself, other people can, so why cant I?

I've found that through my years at uni, the hardest part is the weekend and choosing whether to study or spend time with the family. It is difficult because in the long term it's a small sacrifice I will have made to better my family but sometimes I feel so guilty if I've not spent enough time with the family and Mark can give me that glaring look as if to say "I will throw that laptop out the window if you don't stop looking at it!"

Being at university can definitely put a strain on your relationship at times as the normal day to day stresses can be heightened as there just isn't enough time in the day to do everything. It can be hard as I know while I'm at uni the house is always that bit messier and quality time spent with the family decreases. I suppose it's about making that extra effort when there is extra time.

Today I chose to spend time with the family, even although I really should be working. It was such a beautiful, sunny day in Scotland today which are so few and far between that I just had to take the opportunity to enjoy it.

We went a lovely drive to Loch Lomond Shores in Balloch, and as you can see from the pictures, it was absolutely beautiful. We ended the day with a lovely fish tea from one of my favourite places, Palombo's Fish and Chip shop in Balloch, which I'm sure has done nothing for the baby belly but oh my it was lovely!

So even although I'm sitting here feeling guilty for not doing the work I could have done today, I know that these are opportunities I can't get back with my family. So, Family Time 1 - Studying 0 today I'm afraid.

So yeah, apparently a messy baby is a happy baby, but it certainly doesn't make a happy mummy!

This was the mess that my little monster left for me today! She decided to ransack her big sister's cupboard while I was downstairs doing some university work. I honestly could have cried when I saw it!

This kind of thing is a regular occurrence in this household, however that certainly doesn't make it any easier. I had been trying to spend a wee half hour trying to study but this was totally scuppered when I saw this! Her big sis had supposed to be looking after her but she ended up with the music on dancing. Stress, stress, stress!

I also bought this little lady's christening dress today. It's so beautiful and can't wait to see her in it on her big day but that shopping trip wasn't without drama either. I realised when I turned up at the shopping centre that I had forgot her pram so had to carry and occasionally walk with an 18month year old, which, for any of you mum's out there, you will know is a hell on earth experience! Between pulling clothes off the rails and running into every second person, it certainly was eventful. To top it off I had also forgotten the pram bag, so yeah I had no nappies, no wipes, no nothing! By the end of the trip she had a nappy that had swollen to the size of a beach ball and looked like it was about to burst. Needless to say the shopping trip was cut short and homeward bound for us it was! I really don't know where my head was at today!!

So I've been trying to blog every day since I set this up, to keep the content relevant and up to date. However last night I took some time out and had a lovely meal with the family in a new restaurant called "The Old Plane Tree". It is one of these restaurants which have all their main meals on a 2 for 1 deal, so it was ideal for our wee family. I had this gorgeous calzone pizza and the girls enjoyed their dinner too, as you can see!

I thought the rest of the night was going to be nice and relaxed, however I was wrong. 

I had been persuaded (basically torn apart) by my lecturer yesterday to create a more professional looking blog, I decided he was right and uploaded a new template to try and make my blog better looking.

What a disaster it turned out to be though! This blogging millarky certainly isn't straight forward. Big up to all you bloggers out there who do this every day! I'm a computing student and still found the manipulation of the code really hard! When one element of the page looked nice, another looked horribly wrong. It's sooo time consuming.

I thought this Digital Marketing module was going to be ALOT more straight forward than it actually is. Turns out this is taking up more time than my disseration!! Time is definitely my enemy here but I also think I'm slightly obsessive when it comes to uni work. Last night I kept telling Mark, "I'll be done in 2 minutes", fast forward 5 hours later and I was still sitting staring at my screen. 

I do this alot, and while it's OK to always strive for perfection, I really need to realise I'm never going to get there! Nothing's ever perfect so I really need to stop being so hard on myself and stop getting so frustrated when things aren't going exactly to plan. 

Hope you guys like the layout of my blog so far, it is still a work in progress though!

Emma xxxx