Life as a Mum and Student; the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

So it's been a busy few days being a mum and student for me. On Tuesday I was working all day and then had to rush home to get Cerys organised for a Dance Competition she was taking part in which was for all the school's in the district. I had 20 minutes to get in the house, do funky hair and makeup on Cerys and try and shovel some dinner down. Mark was unfortunately away for an overnight stay for work so wasn't there to help. I never even had time to change out my work outfit or even have a wash (how lovely). Mark's dad helped out with lifts which was a lifesaver as I'd have never got to the competition myself without a car! 

The competition itself was great and I was really proud of Cerys and her school friends. They came 2nd in the competition which was an amazing achievement and Cerys was so happy to get her medal.

Isla-Rose's gran watched her this night as we weren't going to get home until 10pm, so that was waaayyy past her bed time. Once I had settled Cerys in bed at 10.30pm that night, I then had to begin studying for a university presentation which I had the next morning. That really was a struggle, trying to apply my brain after a 9hour shift at work and a further 3 hour dance competition! When I was running over my presentation I was talking a load of gobbledygook and just couldn't concentrate. I eventually stopped working on it at 1am and went to bed to try and get some sleep for the next day.

Yesterday morning I had my presentation, I was so nervous and my stomach was flipping so much that I genuinely thought I was going to vomit! I absolutely hate presentations as I hate that "all eyes on you" feeling. I get so self conscious and start to stumble my words. My favourite words are definitely "eh" and "em" when I'm presenting. Bleugh, I just hate it! I got through it though which was good, although I was only allocated 15minutes to talk and I think I talked for 25minutes! Haha. 

After my presentation I had to head to work. I really couldn't concentrate the full day though as my head was mush from the presentation and I hadn't slept much the night before. I had to work on an extra hour and felt so guilty as by this point I hadn't seen Isla-Rose for over 24hours. Her granny must have been shattered having her for all that time. She has also been ill again the past few days with heavy cold symptoms, so she's certainly not been in the best of moods the past few days. I had to collect Isla-Rose then pick Cerys up from dance class so I eventually got in at 7pm and I was then tasked with decorating an Easter Bonnet for an Easter Parade Cerys had the next day in school!! OH MY! That was just the end of me. 

In amongst trying to decorate the Easter bonnet, Isla-Rose proceeded to keep climbing on to our coffee table and have a wee dance (check out the vid). Where did I get this girl? Haha!

We've got a climber! from Emma Knox on Vimeo.

It took over 3 hours to complete and I eventually finished it at 10.45pm, once Cerys was in bed I might add! 

I still had uni work to then try and do but there was no way that was getting completed! My head was bursting and I just wanted my bed. The kids always come first, but it really is hard to try and get any of my own work completed in amongst all these things.

I did get some good news today that I got 82% for my presentation, which was a great wee boost to hear this. There's still loads to do though and only 5 weeks left! So much to do, so little time!

Emma xxxx

Being a mum and student means that my social life has pretty much went out the window over the past 4 years. So it was great to have a break away from everything at the weekend to attend the christening of one of my best friends daughter.

It felt great to let my hair down and catch up with all my friends, some of whom I haven't been out with for well over a year! It was so nice to forget about my dissertation and coursework for a day and I felt relaxed for the first time in ages (the Gin may have helped towards that though!) I think Mark was really happy to see me like this also, as all he sees these days is a complete stress monster.

It's times like these that I really cherish as they are few and far between. Since I've been at university, I really feel like I've become a bit of a recluse as I've been so determined that I stay focused and do well in my studies. Obviously this is very important, but I've also realised that it is vital to keep in touch with friends and make the effort to go out. In reality, university only lasts for a short time of your life so you certainly shouldn't sacrifice friendships for it, god some of my friends I've known now for over 26years (how scary is that?!) My friends are fabulous though and realise exactly what I've went through the past 4 years, especially since having Isla-Rose. They are so understanding and don't hold any grudges, I hope!

I was never going to have the typical student life, pubbing it every weekend because I'm a mum and have responsibilities, but am I going to regret not going out just a wee bit more throughout my time? Well who knows? All I know now is, I cannot wait to finish my studies, start earning money and make up for all the lost time with my fabulous friends. There are still plenty more years for many memories to be made and I can't wait to start making them!

Emma xxx

So yesterday I went for a Graduate Assessment interview with a company that I've been keen to work with for a while and maybe you can guess from the title, but today I got a phone call to say that I got the job!!!!!!!!

Girls are happy mum got the job!!

Right now I am in such a little bubble, I cannot believe that they gave it to me because, let me tell you, I really did think I bombed it yesterday! I've had a horrendous time since Saturday, as I ended up in hospital due to a bad sinus infection, where the whole left side of my face had swollen up and it felt like someone was continually punching me in the face. It really wasn't good. I was given antibiotics, but couldn't believe this could happen to me 3 days before the most important interview of my life!! 

Anyway, when I woke up yesterday I still felt awful but there was no way I was cancelling this interview, it was too important and my family's future depended on this (no pressure then!!)

The Graduate Assessment consisted of 4 parts; firstly I had an hour long competency based interview, which I felt was the most positive part of my day as I had tried to study a number of examples I could give, prior to the interview. However, the last 2 questions were not ones that I could have studied for and didn't have a clue what to answer! I had that sinking feeling in my stomach that from here on in the day was just going to get worse.

Secondly I had 60minutes to read through a scenario which included 4 pages of data which I had to analyse, in order to come to a conclusion. This for me was by far the worst task of the day. Analysis is normally my strength, but the fact I was under so much pressure, and of course still not feeling well, meant that my head really didn't feel like it was taking in any information and I continually doubted myself the whole way throughout it, which was a horrible feeling. My legs were also constantly shaking throughout due to nerves.

This analysis led on to the third part of the day which was a presentation to the panel on my findings from my analysis. Doing the usual Emma thing, I literally opened my mouth and let my words spill out. I was allocated a 15 minute slot and finished my presentation within 5 minutes due to talking so fast! God it felt so horrible! The panel were so nice though and when they asked me questions I began to relax slightly, they really weren't as scary as I thought they would be! I was finished my presentation before any other candidate, so at that moment I felt for sure I had bombed it.

After lunch, the final assessment was a group exercise, where I had to work alongside the other candidates to come to a decision based on a scenario we were given. I did feel this was a good exercise but then I started to over think and didn't know if I was speaking too much or not speaking enough. It's really hard to know what an employer is looking for. I didn't want to appear over bearing but I didn't want them thinking I couldn't hold my own either! So much to think about, no one warns you of this!

Needless to say at the end of this day I was completely drained, emotional and my brain felt like mush. I was so glad that it was over! I can't believe how much you have to go through to try and get a graduate job, but I also do understand that these companies are going to be investing a massive amount in you over 2 years, so it is in their interest to get the best people!

A massive positive of the day however, was meeting the other candidates, there was such a variety of people from different countries and backgrounds and it was so interesting to hear all their stories. Also rather daunting too though as they all seemed way more interesting than myself and far more intellectual! They were a really nice bunch and I had the thought in my head that I wouldn't mind losing out to any of them as they were all lovely!

But the shocker of a phone call came today to say that I had been successful! I burst into tears on the phone, soooo embarrasing, I really need to get myself together haha! This means so much to me and my family though, I had so much riding on this as it's been a tough 4 years which has put all our lives on hold.

I could not be more thankful for this opportunity, it hasn't quite sunk in yet but I am absolutely over the moon! I still have a lot to do over the next few months and don't start until September

Emma xxxx

It's 4 hours out the day (and money out my bank) which I can't really afford but since I had roots like a tree, I thought I better go and get it sorted. Better try and make a good first impression I suppose, they do say they always count, don't they? ! I decided to go for a wee ombré number for a change.

I don't ever have time (or money) to pamper myself these days, so even although the usual guilt that I could be doing something else was kicking in, it was nice to be treated like a princess for a few hours.

Cerys went away to school in her Dorothy outfit this morning, looking great I might add! What an effort those types of mornings are though! I'm used to Cerys just having a quick ponytail in for school but this morning, in true Dorothy style, I had to do French pleats with the ends all curled. Thank god that's not an every day occurrence, too much stress for me thanks very much! I really envy these mums who have time to send their kids out to school like they've just stepped out a salon. I'm forever chasing my tail!

This weekend will unfortunately have to be dedicated to my presentation next week and of course my interview, so I have my hair all done with no where to go :-( boohoo! Nights out for me are a real thing of the past at the moment due to time and money constraints (AGAIN!) I really can't wait to be able to let my hair down and start getting nights out on the tiles with Mark and my friends again. These past 4 years have been a long slog and I've turned into a hermit while I've been a student. Surely that's the complete opposite of what a student is supposed to be though?!?! I really am not your stereotypical student, but I suppose with kids, no one would expect me to be!

I often wonder what it would have been like to go to uni straight after school before kids and responsibilities, but to be honest I don't think I would have been able to cope and the party lifestyle would have probably swept me up!

I'm glad I waited to be a mature student before going to uni, even although it's been hard because I do have lots of responsibilities, I know that I've been able to apply myself better as I have family to work hard for and plenty of support around me!

Emma xxxx