Life as a Mum and Student; the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

So I'm almost at the end of my 4 year university journey. Tomorrow will officially be my last ever lecture at university. I really don't know how I feel about this as I have really mixed emotions. These past 4 years have been a crazy roller coaster, with some major highs and some major lows. However, last Friday, I finally submitted my dissertation! Yaaaayyy! 33,589 words of hell, which caused a lot of blood, sweat and tears but it is finally done and dusted and I can begin to relax (until results time that is!)

It was great to share the glorious moment of freedom from dissertation with my two close friends Jasmen and Karen. We started our journey together 4 years ago so it only seemed fitting to end it with them also. These girls have honestly been my rock throughout university and I don't think I'd have got through half of it if it wasn't for them. They've been there through all my wobbles, stress and craziness and I have definitely made friends for life there!

What a week it has been! Unfortunately for the last week I have been very ill, yet again. It honestly couldn't be worse at this time of my studies.

I began feeling very ill last Thursday and it just escalated from then and I unfortunately had to take another trip on Easter Sunday to hospital where I was diagnosed with yet another viral infection. I've had ulcers covering my mouth and throat and I've been unable to eat or drink for a few days. This was making me feel so sick, weak and lethargic.

The doctor has told me that I am putting myself under too much stress and I need to start looking after myself a bit better as my body is beginning to burn out because I'm trying to do too much at once, i.e be a final year student, be a mum and work! How is it possible to slow down though? In order for me to get my degree (which my job offer is relying on I might add) then I have to work on my dissertation and coursework! 

Over this Easter holiday I had planned to cram in a lot of work for my dissertation, but that just wasn't possible due to my illness. I was literally in bed for 5 days. This has made me so emotional and I think I've cried every day due to the stress I now feel under as I'm way behind in my work with only 3 weeks until the hand in date. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do! That taking it easy I'm supposed to do? Not going to happen! 

From a mother's point of view, this illness left me feeling so guilty as I felt that I ruined everyone's Easter and felt terrible for Cerys and Isla-Rose. Cerys was desperate for an Easter Egg hunt on Easter morning (which I almost forgot to do), so I had to try and sort out a quick hunt for her. I felt awful though and really felt it was such a half-hearted effort from myself. Cerys was up at 7am the next Morning to start her hunt and I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow. I literally had to drag myself out of bed and normally I would be filming and taking loads of pictures of the girls but I honestly couldn't find the energy to do anything. I felt so guilty and like a terrible mum that I couldn't put any effort into it.

My wee mini Easter Bunny

I also felt really bad for Mark, he was running around like a headless chicken looking after the girls and looking after me. I really felt like I'd ruined his Easter also. They managed to visit the family on Easter and going by the pictures had lots of fun, while I was stuck in bed, so that made me feel slightly better for them.

Cerys seemed to be having fun on Easter night anyway! Haha!

On Monday, Cerys also had her dancing exams which I wasn't able to attend. This just made me feel even more awful (I'm certainly not going to get the mum of the year award this year!). I had to rely on Mark and the other Mum's at the dancing to help her out, who were all amazing but I just felt terrible that I couldn't support her properly.

My big girl ready for her exams on Monday xx

Getting an illness at any time is horrible, especially when you have kids to look after but this time has just felt extra pressured due to the short time I have left to complete all my uni work. I've really found this past week so tough and again it has made me question why I have put myself through this in the first place. But that's just the negative part of me coming out due to feeling down at the moment.

I'm hoping over the next couple of days I feel better because, oh yeah I forgot to mention, I also have  Isla-Rose's christening on Saturday! I'm not organised for it at all as I should have got loads of things for it last weekend but the illness scuppered my plans! Can I just run away now please?! I really am a glutten for punishment. I mean who even thinks that this would be an ideal time in the semester to book a christening for?! I don't know what goes through my head at times. Say a wee prayer for me guys! Lol.

Emma xxxx

So it's been a busy few days being a mum and student for me. On Tuesday I was working all day and then had to rush home to get Cerys organised for a Dance Competition she was taking part in which was for all the school's in the district. I had 20 minutes to get in the house, do funky hair and makeup on Cerys and try and shovel some dinner down. Mark was unfortunately away for an overnight stay for work so wasn't there to help. I never even had time to change out my work outfit or even have a wash (how lovely). Mark's dad helped out with lifts which was a lifesaver as I'd have never got to the competition myself without a car! 

The competition itself was great and I was really proud of Cerys and her school friends. They came 2nd in the competition which was an amazing achievement and Cerys was so happy to get her medal.

Isla-Rose's gran watched her this night as we weren't going to get home until 10pm, so that was waaayyy past her bed time. Once I had settled Cerys in bed at 10.30pm that night, I then had to begin studying for a university presentation which I had the next morning. That really was a struggle, trying to apply my brain after a 9hour shift at work and a further 3 hour dance competition! When I was running over my presentation I was talking a load of gobbledygook and just couldn't concentrate. I eventually stopped working on it at 1am and went to bed to try and get some sleep for the next day.

Yesterday morning I had my presentation, I was so nervous and my stomach was flipping so much that I genuinely thought I was going to vomit! I absolutely hate presentations as I hate that "all eyes on you" feeling. I get so self conscious and start to stumble my words. My favourite words are definitely "eh" and "em" when I'm presenting. Bleugh, I just hate it! I got through it though which was good, although I was only allocated 15minutes to talk and I think I talked for 25minutes! Haha. 

After my presentation I had to head to work. I really couldn't concentrate the full day though as my head was mush from the presentation and I hadn't slept much the night before. I had to work on an extra hour and felt so guilty as by this point I hadn't seen Isla-Rose for over 24hours. Her granny must have been shattered having her for all that time. She has also been ill again the past few days with heavy cold symptoms, so she's certainly not been in the best of moods the past few days. I had to collect Isla-Rose then pick Cerys up from dance class so I eventually got in at 7pm and I was then tasked with decorating an Easter Bonnet for an Easter Parade Cerys had the next day in school!! OH MY! That was just the end of me. 

In amongst trying to decorate the Easter bonnet, Isla-Rose proceeded to keep climbing on to our coffee table and have a wee dance (check out the vid). Where did I get this girl? Haha!

We've got a climber! from Emma Knox on Vimeo.

It took over 3 hours to complete and I eventually finished it at 10.45pm, once Cerys was in bed I might add! 

I still had uni work to then try and do but there was no way that was getting completed! My head was bursting and I just wanted my bed. The kids always come first, but it really is hard to try and get any of my own work completed in amongst all these things.

I did get some good news today that I got 82% for my presentation, which was a great wee boost to hear this. There's still loads to do though and only 5 weeks left! So much to do, so little time!

Emma xxxx

Being a mum and student means that my social life has pretty much went out the window over the past 4 years. So it was great to have a break away from everything at the weekend to attend the christening of one of my best friends daughter.

It felt great to let my hair down and catch up with all my friends, some of whom I haven't been out with for well over a year! It was so nice to forget about my dissertation and coursework for a day and I felt relaxed for the first time in ages (the Gin may have helped towards that though!) I think Mark was really happy to see me like this also, as all he sees these days is a complete stress monster.

It's times like these that I really cherish as they are few and far between. Since I've been at university, I really feel like I've become a bit of a recluse as I've been so determined that I stay focused and do well in my studies. Obviously this is very important, but I've also realised that it is vital to keep in touch with friends and make the effort to go out. In reality, university only lasts for a short time of your life so you certainly shouldn't sacrifice friendships for it, god some of my friends I've known now for over 26years (how scary is that?!) My friends are fabulous though and realise exactly what I've went through the past 4 years, especially since having Isla-Rose. They are so understanding and don't hold any grudges, I hope!

I was never going to have the typical student life, pubbing it every weekend because I'm a mum and have responsibilities, but am I going to regret not going out just a wee bit more throughout my time? Well who knows? All I know now is, I cannot wait to finish my studies, start earning money and make up for all the lost time with my fabulous friends. There are still plenty more years for many memories to be made and I can't wait to start making them!

Emma xxx